20th September 2019

Another day is here and it’s Friday. P is looked after by nan nan when papa John and I are at work. We wake P up in the morning. We get her dressed so she can spend some time with us before we leave for work. Seeing her content with a big grin on her face, watching Mr Tumble, drinking milk and playing with her toys gives us a clue that we might be actually doing a good job as her parents. I can’t properly explain what I feel but seeing my child happy, holding & cuddling her makes all worries go away. I might have the worst day but once I’m with my daughter nothing else matters. Papa John feels the same. Motherly and fatherly love is the most extraordinary thing which we have had a privilege to experience in this life.

Living with anxiety is hard but I can honestly state that since giving birth to P I cope with it better. I think it’s due to being distracted by my baby and all the tasks which I face every single day. Don’t take me wrong, before having P I wasn’t a narcissist but I was more focused on myself and how I felt. Nowadays, I accept who I am as an individual and I focus on my daughter. I must admit, sometimes I miss old times when I had more energy to take care of myself and have more freedom. But I wouldn’t turn back time. I cherish every moment of being a mum even though half of the time I feel like I have no clue of what I’m doing.